Sometimes I Wish:

That Ninja monkeys would show up and deep clean the house. All stealthily washing windows and moving furniture when they vacuum. I’m 100% sure “when [they] scrub the floor, they get the spaces in between”. (Though my luck, they’d totally do it while I was out.)

Chocolate and cheeseburgers, my top comfort foods, didn’t have calories (we should never discus how much Dick’s I eat in a month). Mmmm cheeseburgers. • That the moon was really made of cheese. Because as a friend once said : “cheese and love are basically the same thing.” Plus I’m sure we have made regular tours already. I’d put it on my “to do” list. (Though if that was an affordable option, I’d consider it now. And yes, I see that if it were cheese, that creates entirely different issues).

I had a pet dragon. No, I don’t know where I’d put him. Or how much it costs to feed each month. I’d venture a lot. Probably needs a specialty vet; at least one who handles reptiles. Still, entirely preferred to unicorn ownership, since I have no desire to clean up glitter, ever. (Confused? read: Farkles the Unicorn)

I was an elected civil servant (Probably House of Representatives. I currently qualify, and at this point six years still seems like a long time). I’m smart, charismatic, frugal, and fierce when it’s important. They’re paid way more than I require to live, so I could easily part with a decent portion (to charity or back to the budget or something… ) if I actually needed to take any payment at all (because if I could afford to be elected, I just might not). Plus I understand why it’s a conflict of interest to let a lobbyists pick up the tab for dinner. (But then again, never mind. I’d have to deal with the other members, who can’t seem to grasp concepts that kindergartners can handle, like sharing, working together, and listening.)

That I had a pet pig, in case of an “emergency”. I know pork to be tasty, as opposed to other, common household pets.

(To be continued, at random)

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