What I Learned In 2012

New Lessons and (Often Hard) Reminders A Glancing Retrospective

I will do what it takes to survive. This is reassuring, and scary.

I am most afraid of myself and fear, above anything else.

A good morning or good night text is a simple thing, but wonderful reminder that someone cares.

I hold fast to calling myself a realist; I am an optimist with a skeptical eye, or a pessimist with an open mind and heart.

You can only try to save those who want help, and are not stepping on your cape.

Loss is loss, deal with it.

Denial just saves things for later. Things are typically easier to deal with prior to being allowed to fester.

Often, if you do not deal with it over here, it will peak out over there.

Sometimes people fall off the planet and out of your world. Sometimes this means you have to try; sometimes it is for the best.

There is beauty in pain, if for no other reason than knowing you are alive.

Acts of pain may not be therapy, but can be amazingly therapeutic. They can help keep my world “upright”.

I love a good mind fuck.

I want and need to be “claimed”.

I want someone who is territorial and protective, not possessive.

Marks are territorial; if you want to leave them you better mean it.

Kissing and biting are sexual and extremely intimate for me, I cannot engage casually.

My skin is sacred. This is part of my “issue” with my own “nudity”/showing skin.

Service is not the same as submission.

My failure to communicate will cause failure, and it is my responsibility to communicate.

I am monogamous. I understand the concepts of other structures, I just am not.

Being naked, being raw, can amazing, especially when it comes naturally.

Letting go, letting go of control, can be amazing, especially you love and trust someone.

Take my breath away. Literally. Metaphorically.

You only get to choose from men who pick you. Sorry.

Unavailable is unavailable is unavailable. Maybe it looks different, but it is all the same.

I want someone who will fight for me.

I need to be wanted and want to be needed.

I want someone who can both excite me and calm me.

Making me feel crazy is exciting, but crazy making is crazy.

Life is funny if you think about it. Life is tragic if you feel it. This can lead to laughter full of tears.

It is okay to cry.

It is good to cry.

It is sometimes necessary to cry.

Or yell at the top of your lungs.

I have a “Hollywood scream”.

Take a deep breath. It will help, honest.

I am strong, but this does not mean I cannot have moments of weakness.

There is profound amount of power, strength, and knowledge in sadness and depression, should you choose to embrace it.

There is a difference between privacy and secrecy.

There is a difference between transparency and exposure.

I strive to be both private and transparent.

Take advantage of the calm quiet and silences. They are preciously rare.

Other people will hurt you; this is part of relationships sometimes. Be cautious of those who do so repeatedly and intentionally.

Respect should be a given; Trust is earned.

I deserve respect.

I deserve to be a priority.

Chemistry is not enough.

Want is not enough.

Love is not enough.

I still want and need my dad. And that is okay.

It is okay to be okay, or know that you will be.

Not knowing “why” blows. But then getting the answer to why is likely to just raise more questions.

Sometimes the truth is painful, and lies are kind, be cautious you are not short sided, check motives.

Reasoning occurs after making a decision, period. It is a biological truth.

The mind will reconcile itself, including conspiracy theories, to allow for contradictions.

Everyone has their reasons.

It is fucked up, but sometimes we are the “worst” to those we love and trust the most, because we love and trust them.

I believe there is a reason, even if I do not know what it is or cannot yet see it, simply because it is depressing not to.

Be careful what you ask the universe for, you just might get it.


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